Irrational behavior

So, yesterday I said I needed to clean my floors. Here is a little insight into the way I clean...

I started out mopping the kitchen. Then I got annoyed at part of the floor that was messed up. It has been like that for several years. But yesterday I decided to rip up and replace the floor. Sanford almost flipped sh!t!! I called him asking where the skill saw was...needless to say he wasn't about to let me use any power tools that could cut off an arm without "adult supervision." Thankfully, his uncle - who lives across the street - was willing to cut the pieces I needed. By the time he got home from work I had replaced the flooring and cleaned up my mess. I even managed to get the rest of the floors done!!! Today, I am feeling the pain!!

You know what I love?? Demolition and Destruction!!! I can't wait until we are ready to replace the cabinets. Give me a sledge hammer and I'm one happy girl. But I think my next project will be repainting the bedroom. It's dark brown and I'm thinking I want to make it a happy robin's egg blue...

About a month ago I lost my driver's license. Ugh. I've looked and looked and finally got around to calling the bank today - I didn't leave it there. Now I have to go face the grumpy ladies at the DMV for a new one. The old one didn't really look like me anymore anyway, so I guess it was time for a new one anyway.

While I was hunting down my license I found my teacher ID from my first year of teaching. YIKES!!!

I never realized that I didn't have neck!! I can't tell you how many times I've worn that haircut. EEK. Never again!!! I still have that dress. I don't know why I've kept it. Momma bought it for me...and I guess I will keep it forever. Just like another maw maw dress hanging in my closet that my grandmother bought for me in 2000.

Here is my "yearbook" picture taken in September.

I am still working on growing my hair out. For years Sanford has preferred short hair...and I have sported some super short hair. My hair is naturally curly...like kinky to my scalp curly. Over the years - years of relaxers, flat irons, hot rollers, and other various forms of torture - it has gone from really curly to randomly curly, straight, frizzy - just really bad hair! Whenever I would get my hair cut super short my beautician would literally measure my hair to make sure I could still get the straightener on it!!! I've also sported some really cute flat iron hickeys!! Thankfully, Sanford is starting to like my hair longer. So, other than a trim - which I need really badly - no more drastic haircuts for this girl!

I'm seriously thinking about blowing that first picture up and plastering it on the fridge. That is motivation!!!

And lastly, an NSV: here in the past three weeks (you know, since I entered the gates of Hell) my sweet Sanford has taken to snuggling. For the first time since we we dated we actually snuggle on the couch while watching TV. Sanford has been pointing out all of my bones that have surfaced for the first time since...well probably since forever. Like my collarbone, hip bone, sternum, ribs, ankle bones...and my port. Boy howdy, that thing sticks out like crazy - it totally grosses Sanford out. I thought I got the low profile port, but I'm thinking I didn't. I kinda don't wanna think about what it will look like when I get down to goal. (Goal is still 180...why oh why is the last 20 pounds the hardest to lose??? And 180 is MY first goal - surgeon said 200 was a good weight, but I don't agree...and I wanted to be 160....but I'm shooting for 180, then go from there!!)

Now that I have rambled about nothing for days I'm off to do something productive - but no major projects today!!!

Back to the 21st Century

That's right, folks. I'm back in the land of technology. Internet. Thank God!!! And it only took 12 hours to figure out how to hook up this dongle thing. AND the reason my original broadband card quit working was because I deleted McAfee. Le sigh....a waste of $100 for this lovely dongle....

So, (Sanford says I start way too many conversations with "so"....it's just my fad of the moment) I want to thank all you ladies for all of your kind comments and words of encouragement. Right now, my life is craptastic and suck-o-licous. Upside down and inside out. But, I am trudging through.

I contracted a lovely stomach bug this weekend...maybe from the birds when I was in the woods?? So I spent Saturday evening and all day Sunday in the fetal position on the couch. All the while, Sanford is trying to shove things down my throat, cuz "You can't just not eat." Grr. I know he was trying his best to take care of me, but when I'm really sick all I want is my Momma!!! And she came to the rescue with some meds Sunday afternoon.

The scales loved my dehydrated state. Like monumental weight loss. But, it didn't stick, of course. Once I was rehydrated it made a lovely bounce back. And, my whole life after I've recovered from a stomach bug I've wanted pizza!! So, last night we had D0min0s. Well, I ate the tops...off of two pieces. And then I felt crummy. But it was yummy going in my mouth.

I really need to get motivated. Like, it's time to scrub the floors. Sanford tried to clean them Sunday, and I really wanted to give him guidance. But I didn't even have the energy to boss him around. That's just how sick I was!!!

So, (there that word is again) until I muster the energy, I will sit here and watch SVU. And catch up on blogs and comment. And be your basic sloth.

Still kicking.

My broadband card bit the bullet last week and I have been living in the stone ages. A new dongle thingy will be delivered Monday...who knew being without the internet would be so crippling?

Surfing the web and reading blogs from my phone is not as fun...and I can't comment :(

As I type I am sitting in the middle of the woods in a deer stand. I don't hunt - I just enjoy being in the quiet while Sanford hunts.

I finally got around to making a fill appointment - I am in bad need of one. My eating has been off the charts awful.  I blame the tons of stress. But I am thankful for my band - even with eating tons of crap I have only gained about 5 pounds.

Speaking of stress...I still can't (don't wanna ) talk about the cause of my stress. But, let's just say we have experienced some major lifestyle changes in our house in the past three weeks.

Three weeks ago my stomach was in knots due to cheer drama. Can't say I miss that. Not one bit. And the further out I get from it, the more I can breathe a sigh of relief.

And Sanford and I are closer now than we ever have been. I am so thankful for him and his forgiving heart. Without him and our parents I think I would have just packed a bag and joined the circus.

And with all this time I have on my hands I have been able to keep up with my house work. Now I just have to focus my energy on good food choices and working out. That's my goal.

Oh yeah, and I should probably lay off the wine ;)

Honey, if it ain't your tail, don't wag it.

"My life is like a lemon drop, I'm suckin' on the bitter to get to the sweet part. I know there are better days ahead." - Pistol Annies



I'm still in the middle of this chess game called my life. Waiting for the world to make the next move. I'm learning to adjust every single day. It's not fun, but I'm still breathing. And I still have a wonderfully supportive family.

In the meantime, I'm pretty sure it's time for a fill. I can't even begin to explain the amount of garbage I've consumed this week. Argh.

I'm pretty excited about one thing: My sweet hubby is taking me to see Casey Donahew Band in November!! Back in our glory days we were some serious honky tonky goers. We haven't been "out" since we've been married...but I really really want to go to this concert...so he has agreed to take me!! And maybe even like it!!! And I'm totally ordering me one of their new T-shirts. They are the bomb.com. IF you like Texas country. And if you don't, well that's just unAmerican. Or at least unTexan. And if you aren't from Texas - I'm sorry you were born anywhere else!!

So, I'm still alive. Still taking one day at a time. And I did get to see a bit of a silver lining to this big gray cloud that has been hanging over my head since last Tuesday...

Mosquito Moscato

Revelation: when life hands you a load of crap, start drinking!!! It makes EVERYTHING better.

Ok, so I must admit...I'm totally sloshed as I type. BUT, for the first time in days, I'm smiling. Whatever works, right??

But for reals, is my life any better? No. Have I solved my problems? No. Have I made good choices? A big NO!

Am I the person I have always wanted to be? not really. But, I'm smiling.

Is this catastrophic thing that is happening to me going to make me stop breathing....probably not.

After all, I still have my hubby, my parents and his parents. They love and support me no matter what stupid decisions I've made in my life.

And can I blame my band for what has happened to me. Well, that has yet to be determined. In the end, I am responsible for me. But, I'm pretty sure none of this would have been possible without my band. I'm still in love with my band....although I've eaten like a crazy person all weekend. I'm talking disgusting amounts of garbage have been piled into my pie hole.

Do I make any more sense when I'm drunk??? Probably not.

Walking cliche

Hindsight is 20-20.

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

This too shall pass.

People in glass houses shoulnd't throw stones.

I could go on. Maybe this will give you some insight into my life at the current moment. Maybe not.

Let me just say this: in reference to my "problem" in my last post, I had complete support from my principal.

But, now I have bigger fish to fry. And I can't talk about it. Probably won't even when I can.

I just want to say this: I love my husband with all of my heart and soul. He is my best friend and my soulmate. With him by my side, I feel that I can take on the world. I'm one lucky girl, to have found such a strong and caring man to take care of me when the world seems to be crashing down all around me.

So, even though this post is a rambling mess that makes no sense, I had to put something out there. Also, for those of you that hung on through this insanity...I am in need of unspoken prayer. Desperate need.

Nerves

So, let's see. My nerves are shot. This has been, by far, the worst weekend of my life. I am your basic basketcase. Why??

It started Friday, after halftime of the football game. (The one that we lost.) My girls didn't want to go to the other side to mingle with the other cheerleaders. It all came down to a bit of a blowout. I had to discipline two of my girls. Then it went downhill. FAST. Mommas went to the superintendent and principal. I still don't know what was said. I just have a feeling that tomorrow is going to be a bad bad day. I don't like to get into "trouble." And I don't like the not-knowing. Two long days to obssess. It's making me crazy.

I haven't even stepped on the scales in days. I'm just surviving at this point. Barely.