First of all, I want to sincerely thank each one of you that lent support during this difficult time. Your words, thoughts, and prayers mean so much to me. I started this blog as a means of support and accountability on my journey to a new, healthier me. Of course, as we all know, losing weight isn't the only thing we are focused on. Life happens. Good and bad.
In my nearly 31 years on this earth finding out that we can't have a child of our own is hands-down the hardest thing we have ever faced. It's something that happens to other people. But now, we are the "other people." Wednesday was the worst day of my life. I felt robbed, empty. I couldn't bring myself to tell Chris's mom. She called and texted and I just ignored my phone. I let Chris tell her when he got home from work.
Yesterday I kept the front door closed. I didn't want company. I finally got dressed and went to town - because Thursday is B12 shot day. I went by and saw my Mom, but I didn't stay long. I didn't want the women in her office asking questions or giving condolences. I'm just not ready to hear that from people right now.
Mom, however, offered me a ray of hope. Her hairdresser has had great luck with adoption. Going through Texas CPS she has adopted 3 children. She and her husband are willing to help us any way they can. I've already started the ball rolling. I've filled out all the paperwork possible on the website. Now we will wait to take the next step.
So, as one door closes - one dream snuffed out, another door is opening. Now, instead of struggling with fertility - the waiting to see if I'm late, tons of negative pregnancy tests, dealing with hearing how everyone in Chris's family feels so sorry for his sister and brother-in-law (they have been trying to get pregnant with no success, and are trying IVF) - I guess they all see us as the barren couple who don't care if they have kids...just because I don't chose to plaster my fertility issues all over facebook - we have hope. Hope to be a family. Hope to give a child a loving home.
Again, you ladies are awesome. Thank you so much for being there for me. Thank you for being you.