Friday, July 29, 2011

As one door closes...

First of all, I want to sincerely thank each one of you that lent support during this difficult time. Your words, thoughts, and prayers mean so much to me. I started this blog as a means of support and accountability on my journey to a new, healthier me. Of course, as we all know, losing weight isn't the only thing we are focused on. Life happens. Good and bad.

In my nearly 31 years on this earth finding out that we can't have a child of our own is hands-down the hardest thing we have ever faced. It's something that happens to other people. But now, we are the "other people." Wednesday was the worst day of my life. I felt robbed, empty. I couldn't bring myself to tell Chris's mom. She called and texted and I just ignored my phone. I let Chris tell her when he got home from work.

Yesterday I kept the front door closed. I didn't want company. I finally got dressed and went to town - because Thursday is B12 shot day. I went by and saw my Mom, but I didn't stay long. I didn't want the women in her office asking questions or giving condolences. I'm just not ready to hear that from people right now.

Mom, however, offered me a ray of hope. Her hairdresser has had great luck with adoption. Going through Texas CPS she has adopted 3 children. She and her husband are willing to help us any way they can. I've already started the ball rolling. I've filled out all the paperwork possible on the website. Now we will wait to take the next step.

So, as one door closes - one dream snuffed out, another door is opening. Now, instead of struggling with fertility - the waiting to see if I'm late, tons of negative pregnancy tests, dealing with hearing how everyone in Chris's family feels so sorry for his sister and brother-in-law (they have been trying to get pregnant with no success, and are trying IVF) - I guess they all see us as the barren couple who don't care if they have kids...just because I don't chose to plaster my fertility issues all over facebook - we have hope. Hope to be a family. Hope to give a child a loving home.

Again, you ladies are awesome. Thank you so much for being there for me. Thank you for being you.


  1. My husband and I were just asked the other day how we felt about fostering new borns...Would be interested. I never really thought about it before but it is an option! You might get in touch with your local social services and look into it. I hear that it is easier to adopt the child or be a legal gaurdian once they've lived with you in a foster setting! Again. I know your pain only slightly...but I am thinking of you!

  2. I was thinking of you all day yesterday. Really glad you decided to post! I amazed that you are already taking steps towards adoption. You are so strong to be doing that!

    I hope you get avoid the "i feel sorry for you stares" for as long as possible. I would hate that too!

  3. You were on my mind yesterday as well. I am so proud you are choosing to be proactive to get what you want. You sound like a wonderful person and any child will be lucky to have you as a mom. I look forward sharing your journey. ((HUGS))

  4. You were on my mind too. Some kids are going to 'win the lottery' getting you as a mom.
    I know you are going to get tired of hearing stories like this but, my sister-in-law's mom was told she would never have kids. They adopted (Annie) and one year later they got prgnant and I have my sister-in-law (Jan) because of that miracle.
    Life works in mysterious ways.

  5. Thats so awesome that you are choosing to adopt! my husband and I plan on looking into it in the future.
    I am so glad that you are doing better today. You were on my mind alot yesterday and this morning.

  6. I have many adopted children in my life including my godson. These children are blessing to their parents and are blessed to have ended up in such loving environments. Adoption is an amazing gift for everyone. Hugs to you!

  7. I think you are an amazing person to pick yourself up and keep looking forward.

    What a lucky little one he or she will be to have you as a Mum!

  8. Jess ... you have a great attitude ... keep watching that window open ...

  9. Yes, you do have hope! How amazing is it that you can provide for a child that would most likely have had a horrible life! I'm almost 31 and don't have kids either and know I would be devastated if I was in your shoes. I desperately want to have kids, but I have to find a husband first! :) Of course God had another plan for your life and is going to provide them to you in another way.